Pokemon
Non - Fiction
The truth is always in your face
Pokemon (game)
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon is from Pokemon, and can also be known as "Pocket Monsters" or "Monsters In The Pocket". Sometimes people go to the extent to call it "Monsters in HIS pocket" or even "Monsters INSIDE his pocket / pants". Basically about stuffing animals into tiny walmart balls and making them fight each other for really dirty and unknown reasons. Pokemon is pretty much the same as Neopets except the fact that Pokemon is asian while Neopets is white/black/jewish/asian. Nobody knows what Neopets is actually, it might even be asian. Pokemon is simply based on catching pikachu with a net and make it do really erotic dances, then level it up, force a thunder stone into its mouth and watch it evolve into raichu. Then you are done, you completed Pokemon.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Overview
What can be more dope than watching Pokemon? The naked animals fighting to their deaths and the trainers constantly shouting "OH NOES" or "YOU CAN DO IT" at the dying pokemon. The funny thing is, pokemon can't die. The only pokemon that ever died in the whole show is Professor Oak. That pedophile finally gets it right up his pokeass. The Pokemon show is about a teenager called Ash Francais Ketchum, yes he is french. His mother is Asian. His father died from penis cancer, and his sister got ran over by a car, thrice. Why so serious?
Plot
16 years ago, Uchiha Madara controlled Kyuubi to attack Konoha. The whole village was destroyed and Mew came out of nowhere and killed both Kyuubi and Madara. During the same time, Naruto and Ash was born but Mew killed Naruto and let Ash live. Then Mew imploded and billions of pokemon appeared out of nowhere, filling the whole place up with random talking animals. The random animals then proceed to kill the United States president and raise Obama to be a ninja, but the plan backfired and they accidentally made Osama the ninja. Ash Ketchum was then later found out to be the 'Boy Who Lived', the only person in the world who survived the avada kedavra killing curse.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The Game
The Pokemon game has actually nothing to do with the Pokemon show. The game is about you, you are the boy who skipped school with a really cheesy excuse of "becoming the Pokemon master" or "completing the pokedex". The game comes in variable colors red, blue, yellow. Then it proceeded to silver, gold, crystal. Then to ruby, sapphire, emerald. Then BACK TO fire red, leaf green. Then to diamond, pearl, platinum. Then BACK TO soul silver, heart gold. Then the latest unreleased version, black and white. The selection of game name is done by monkeys that smoke marijuana 24/7 and appeals to nobody.
List of Pokemon
- Pikachu
- Raichu
- Go fuck yourself
As you can see, the selection of Pokemon isn't really big. There is no appeal, you might as well go nude and watch The Pink Panther doing random physics-defying things than play the horrible nonsensical game.
Glitch
There are several famous glitches in the game, and they all happen within Professor Oak's "research" laboratory. There are mainly 4 glitches and they only happen in Pokemon Red/Blue. Why? Because that's the only version that has Professor Oak's "research" laboratory. The glitches usually happen when you try to decided which pokemon to take. Once your character do not move for 2 seconds, any of the 4 glitches with happen. Then the game freezes, you can't do anything about it. You cannot even turn off your emulator, the game will still be on.
The many Ash glitch
The many Gary glitch
The many Oak glitch
The Meower glitch
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Red/Blue
Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! My name is Oak! People call me the Pokemon Prof! This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon! I'm high on crack!
The game start off immediately with you being shrunk into ant size and then put into a 8-bit simulation. The music is horrible and pierces your ear, if you listen to it for 5 minutes, your ear will start to bleed. So you leave your house and try to go to school, but then suddenly Oak comes over and grab you by the ass. He tells you scary things about zombies in grasses and assgropers living underground. You are missing the point that he himself is an assgroper but you chose to follow him back to his "research lab". There you see your father, Gary. He too was pulled into the lab, then Oak tells you two about his "balls". Then he put all 3 of his balls onto the table and forces you to pick one. You knew that he was smiling weirdly but you had no choice, you chose a Squirtle. Then he smiled and you knew that you're fucked.
Pokemon Red/Blue is a horrible game with the rating 5.......... 5 out of 5 billion. Damn it. The main point of the game is to collect as many pikachu as you can within 7000 hours of gameplay time. After collecting 9001 pikachu, Oak will give you immortal powers and you can fly to space and fight Captain Stars. I don't know what I'm talking about, Pokemon is way too druggy to be explained.
Ratings : 5 / 5000000000
Replay Value : 0
Gameplay : 60000 hours
Reason for that amount of hours : Captain Stars Boss fight
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Silver/Gold/Crystal
Zzz... Hm? Wha...? You woke me up! Will you check the clock for me? What time is... Fuck it.
Once again you are shrunk into ant size and thrown into a weird world that one would only experience when one is on LSD. But you knew that this is not an acid trip, so you try to get out of the house. Then your fat mom stopped you and pestered you to tell her the date. The calender is right beside her but you knew she was testing you so you told her it's a Sunday. Then she throws you out of the house. You talk a short walk and saw a really creepy looking house, you went in and immediately Professor Elm used Universal Pull and dragged you to him. Then he tells you about his plan to make Pokemon porn and requires you to help him. You are forced to choose a Pokemon out of the 3, you choose Totodile and you knew that you are fucked.
Ratings : 7 / 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Replay Value : 0.3
Gameplay : 9999999999999999999999999 hours
Reason for that amount of hours : That last fucking Pikachu needed to complete the Pokedex
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Ratings : Mudkipz
Replay Value : Maximum
Gameplay : Mudkipz
Reasons for that amount of hours : You liek Mudkipz
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum
._.
__________________________________________________________________________________
ISSUE 5 END
The truth is always in your face
Pokemon (game)
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon is from Pokemon, and can also be known as "Pocket Monsters" or "Monsters In The Pocket". Sometimes people go to the extent to call it "Monsters in HIS pocket" or even "Monsters INSIDE his pocket / pants". Basically about stuffing animals into tiny walmart balls and making them fight each other for really dirty and unknown reasons. Pokemon is pretty much the same as Neopets except the fact that Pokemon is asian while Neopets is white/black/jewish/asian. Nobody knows what Neopets is actually, it might even be asian. Pokemon is simply based on catching pikachu with a net and make it do really erotic dances, then level it up, force a thunder stone into its mouth and watch it evolve into raichu. Then you are done, you completed Pokemon.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Overview
What can be more dope than watching Pokemon? The naked animals fighting to their deaths and the trainers constantly shouting "OH NOES" or "YOU CAN DO IT" at the dying pokemon. The funny thing is, pokemon can't die. The only pokemon that ever died in the whole show is Professor Oak. That pedophile finally gets it right up his pokeass. The Pokemon show is about a teenager called Ash Francais Ketchum, yes he is french. His mother is Asian. His father died from penis cancer, and his sister got ran over by a car, thrice. Why so serious?
Plot
16 years ago, Uchiha Madara controlled Kyuubi to attack Konoha. The whole village was destroyed and Mew came out of nowhere and killed both Kyuubi and Madara. During the same time, Naruto and Ash was born but Mew killed Naruto and let Ash live. Then Mew imploded and billions of pokemon appeared out of nowhere, filling the whole place up with random talking animals. The random animals then proceed to kill the United States president and raise Obama to be a ninja, but the plan backfired and they accidentally made Osama the ninja. Ash Ketchum was then later found out to be the 'Boy Who Lived', the only person in the world who survived the avada kedavra killing curse.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The Game
The Pokemon game has actually nothing to do with the Pokemon show. The game is about you, you are the boy who skipped school with a really cheesy excuse of "becoming the Pokemon master" or "completing the pokedex". The game comes in variable colors red, blue, yellow. Then it proceeded to silver, gold, crystal. Then to ruby, sapphire, emerald. Then BACK TO fire red, leaf green. Then to diamond, pearl, platinum. Then BACK TO soul silver, heart gold. Then the latest unreleased version, black and white. The selection of game name is done by monkeys that smoke marijuana 24/7 and appeals to nobody.
List of Pokemon
- Pikachu
- Raichu
- Go fuck yourself
As you can see, the selection of Pokemon isn't really big. There is no appeal, you might as well go nude and watch The Pink Panther doing random physics-defying things than play the horrible nonsensical game.
Glitch
There are several famous glitches in the game, and they all happen within Professor Oak's "research" laboratory. There are mainly 4 glitches and they only happen in Pokemon Red/Blue. Why? Because that's the only version that has Professor Oak's "research" laboratory. The glitches usually happen when you try to decided which pokemon to take. Once your character do not move for 2 seconds, any of the 4 glitches with happen. Then the game freezes, you can't do anything about it. You cannot even turn off your emulator, the game will still be on.
The many Ash glitch
The many Gary glitch
The many Oak glitch
The Meower glitch
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Red/Blue
Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! My name is Oak! People call me the Pokemon Prof! This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon! I'm high on crack!
The game start off immediately with you being shrunk into ant size and then put into a 8-bit simulation. The music is horrible and pierces your ear, if you listen to it for 5 minutes, your ear will start to bleed. So you leave your house and try to go to school, but then suddenly Oak comes over and grab you by the ass. He tells you scary things about zombies in grasses and assgropers living underground. You are missing the point that he himself is an assgroper but you chose to follow him back to his "research lab". There you see your father, Gary. He too was pulled into the lab, then Oak tells you two about his "balls". Then he put all 3 of his balls onto the table and forces you to pick one. You knew that he was smiling weirdly but you had no choice, you chose a Squirtle. Then he smiled and you knew that you're fucked.
Pokemon Red/Blue is a horrible game with the rating 5.......... 5 out of 5 billion. Damn it. The main point of the game is to collect as many pikachu as you can within 7000 hours of gameplay time. After collecting 9001 pikachu, Oak will give you immortal powers and you can fly to space and fight Captain Stars. I don't know what I'm talking about, Pokemon is way too druggy to be explained.
Ratings : 5 / 5000000000
Replay Value : 0
Gameplay : 60000 hours
Reason for that amount of hours : Captain Stars Boss fight
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Silver/Gold/Crystal
Zzz... Hm? Wha...? You woke me up! Will you check the clock for me? What time is... Fuck it.
Once again you are shrunk into ant size and thrown into a weird world that one would only experience when one is on LSD. But you knew that this is not an acid trip, so you try to get out of the house. Then your fat mom stopped you and pestered you to tell her the date. The calender is right beside her but you knew she was testing you so you told her it's a Sunday. Then she throws you out of the house. You talk a short walk and saw a really creepy looking house, you went in and immediately Professor Elm used Universal Pull and dragged you to him. Then he tells you about his plan to make Pokemon porn and requires you to help him. You are forced to choose a Pokemon out of the 3, you choose Totodile and you knew that you are fucked.
Ratings : 7 / 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Replay Value : 0.3
Gameplay : 9999999999999999999999999 hours
Reason for that amount of hours : That last fucking Pikachu needed to complete the Pokedex
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...Mud...Kipz...
Ratings : Mudkipz
Replay Value : Maximum
Gameplay : Mudkipz
Reasons for that amount of hours : You liek Mudkipz
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum
._.__________________________________________________________________________________
ISSUE 5 END